Gone

All of the passion I had, I put into him. Since he is gone, there is no replacement now and anything new is just a mirage, just sand that slips between my fingers. My mouth is so dry, there is no water, no life in this desert in which I walk. I have no shoes, no clothes. The sun is scorching my skin, blisters on my body are its kisses. My legs are somehow still moving, every step I make is no longer felt, but the weight and effort of each vibrates my core. I know where I’ve been by the bloody footprints behind me. These stains are getting difficult to see, the wind has blown new sand over them, slowly swallowing up where I’ve been step by step. There is no path ahead of me, only a matrix pattern of cracks and sharp, small rocks. The sun does not set here. The horizon is out of focus, and the sky is a cloudless dove-grey. The only water to be found is in the form of my tears which cloud my vision. I wipe them now gently but greedily with my fingertips and put them to my mouth with weakened hands. They sting my cracked lips, every drop tastes of sadness, longing, and salted pain. There is no place to sit for rest, if I lay down, I will shrivel and die on the spot. I can only walk on, and with squinted eyes search for a real oasis to come into my view. How long must I wait and walk? I fear there will be nothing left of me soon. Like a lizard in camouflage, I am blending in to the desert itself.~Paula

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