Blur

Several hours today at my favorite beach, a slow walk zig-zagging along tiered, ice-laced sand, some time spent scanning the speckled-stone shore to find some gem-like beauties, and my eyes repeatedly returned to the distant horizon line. Where did the lake end and the sky begin?

Mist and monotoned hues in the gentlest brush strokes made it seem, at times, as if I was submerged under water and in the next breath, in a flicker I was airborne and sky-high, as if lifted by silken clouds. Today’s faraway view was all a blur, distinction between below and above blending together, a rare occurrence of seeing and an even more rare feeling of trusting my own senses for where I actually stood.

You see, sometimes, I absolutely need to see exact order and delineation from what is around me to ground me and remind me where I am, but today, somehow, I knew where I was without the usual necessary visual references. And oddly, the floating sensation like a helium ballon I experienced was tolerable, maybe it was the low waves pressing me in place and drowning-out my tinnitus in my ears, but it was definitely a feeling of peace and centeredness.

I want to hold on to these feelings and memories from today. Life at any moment can be a blur, and I want so much to bravely keep looking in the distance, and be okay with whatever is shown to me. ~Paula

2 thoughts on “Blur

  1. This is remarkable. It’s like watching a sailor who lost her ship in a storm far out at sea finally glimpsing land after years of nothing but ocean, sky, from her tiny life raft of one. I love the blurriness of the vision, the uncertainty if it can be trusted. Nature is analogue and doesn’t fare well when we try to reduce it to the digital. It’s all process, folding, undulating, flowing from one thing to another and back again, waves washing ashore and receding. It’s not receptive to human notions of up/down, here/there, then/now, all the binary distinctions humans use to explain “why” things are. I like the final acceptance of it, the surrender to take it as it is. Like trying to meditate too hard, nothing happening, and then suddenly that lovely blurriness, seeing all the things you’ve been looking past. Nature demonstrates this when one is least looking for it, perfect moments melting on and on. I hope these events become more frequent and you’re able to string them together, wear them like pearls, a talisman against future darkness.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your moving response to my writing. You are very thoughtful and I appreciate your perspectives. As for acceptance, I would say for me it’s more of a choosing to see and admire nature as a type of serendipity: it is what it is, and is neither ashamed or apologetic of itself. ~P.

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